CookiEeMonster & JaPpyEpasTor

Sunday, November 14, 2010

My Sweet little gal

Cookie baby

Mummy had just cleared one paper last Friday. Baby Cookie Mummy hasnt forgotten abt u. Not abit at all. Mummy been controlling my tots, my misses, my pain, my hurts, my everything and deeply burnt myself in studying for the past two weeks. Mummy didnt write to u for the more i write, the more mummy cant hold on to myself. Cookie, i m sure u agreed and support mummy rite all these while.

My little baobei, Sunday Mummy went back to church. For the past two week due to the exam, Mummy had to gave it a miss for classmate are meeting up for group study. Baby cookie, Mummy feel that Mummy is so blessed. So blessed that mummy had a group of very nice classmates who hold me throu study these period.

So blessed that Mummy have a group of very nice, close friends, church mates, church, friends who understand Mummy's heart without even had to speak, they just knew it...Baby cookie, church had became a place where Mummy find so comfortable with. A place where Mummy could just cry and not having to b judge at, just cry and not having to make other worri abt me, just lay everything down and just be able to cry. Have not been crying these much not til Sunday. Crying bring off healing. Somehow Mummy find it so funni, the more i cry - the more i understand how deep my hurt was.

Baby, Mummy recieved a wonderful gift. A gift which money cannot buy. Its a hand drawn pic of u baby.
Its not a normal pic, Its a pic of love.
A pic that was drawn out of love. A meaningful piece of gift from someone who have any see u before.
But only know u and know Mummy. Knowing the same old pain that she once had before which Mummy is feeling just rite now, she pen it all down into this beautiful paper. Baby cookie, Mummy wonder how it will be like if u had know her before?
How would baby react to her? Mummy wonder.
Baby cookie, u have ur likes and dislike and Mummy nv seem to understand nor know how u different them.
U like certain people and love them all the way (even if its just countable) U dislike certain people and snap at them whenever u see.
Mummy wonder how u would treat this kind friend who had drawn this pic of love out and given it to Mummy.
As Mummy are wondering, Mummy got a sense that she would fall into that countable group. She will rite Baby?
U surely sense her love for u and Mummy rite?
Baby cookie, even when u no longer are ard, Mummy still be able to feel u....
Your presence stil around, in the hearts of those who noe u just as how Mummy received this hand drawn pic of u.

My Sweet little Cookie

A, if u are reading this, I thank u for letting me be able to feel her even when she is gone. I feel that god have blessed me so much. And u too. U have a great gift god given to u...and by this pic u had touch my life.
To another A, this journey would be hard to imagine if u wasnt ard wif me. In years to came, u be away to another country. I promiss and i m sure i b a stronger person by then. Stronger becos u help in molding me as one

Monday, November 1, 2010

If Only

If only time can go back to when it is
If only life can be strenghten to many more years to be

If only I can hold u once again when tears fill up my eyes
If only I can kiss u once again when my heart start to ache

Baby Cookie

Mummy is so sorri...the more Mummy writes the more Mummy feel the pain. Missing u even more each time Mummy come in here.

If only u havnt gone away

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Visit to the Vet

Cookie Baby

Last nite Mummy brought Jappy Kor Kor to the vet. Grandma called in the afternoon complaining that Jappy Kor Kor not eating well for already 1mth and yet Mummy didnt bring him for a check up. Even Melvin Kor Kor complained that why Mummy didnt rush to the vet. Baby, u had a weaker immunity that whenever u are alittle not well, the first thing Mummy does is rush to the vet. But for Jappy Kor Kor, Mummy didnt cos he is alway much better. He heal faster and never really gave us problems. So Mummy never tot of going to the vet. But since Grandma and everyone complained and suggest i should bring for a check up. We went...

And baby, Kor Kor is super healthy. Despite him not eating well for the past one mth, his weight is still slightly over. Baby cookie, u b shock if u noe his weight. hahahaa...despite not eating, he still a fatti. So mean of Mummy hor. But Mummy is glad he is healthy.

But vet confirmed one thing - He is emotionali affected. Not used to being alone without u? Physical, Kor Kor is perfectly fine but emotionali he is not. Emotional ur Kor Kor is not well. Hai baby Mummy feel that physical wound is so much easier to nurse then emotional wound. Was told to move the furniture area and try to change the food bowl and items at help kor kor to get over.

But Baby, Mummy stil dun have the courage to keep away ur pee tray. Its easy said then done. Mummy just cant...cant keep away ur stuff.

So hard on Mummy these period...Baby, Mummy have to put up a strong front to face our family so that they wont worry, put on a happi face in work so that Mummy can continue working, put up a strong n loving side toward Jappy to be a good Mummy, Put up with the stress in the coming exam....Cookie how Mummy wish u are here wif Mummy. Only if u were still around...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Ash Necklace

Cookie Baby

Mummy is right now looking for an ash necklace. U noe what it is? It a necklace that can contain ashes. Mummy want to have one. Mummy wish to have one.

Mummy want to place ur ash inside this necklace and wear it whereever i goes. Mummy want cookie baby to be close to Mummy. Not just in memories....

Mummy told Daddy that one day if Mummy passed on before Daddy, Daddy will have to remember to mix Mummy's ash and cookie's ash together. Like wise, Mummy promissed Daddy to do the same. Does it means that we are together forever, Baby?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Kor Kor Jap Jap not eating

Cookie Angel

Today is the 2nd day ur kor kor have not taken any meals. He only took a few pcs of meat. And now, Mummy can feel his ribs bone already. He really slim down alot alot. Nothing seem to work for him. Nothing seem to interest him except going out of home. Mummy wonder was it because ur tragic accident leave a bad impact on him. He is getting out of hand.

Mummy got an idea not sure if it works. Tonite, Mummy is going to mince all the meat/veg/potato together and stem for him. Hopeful he get to eat some.

He used to be 6.5 kg. And Mummy suspect he is weight just barly 6kg or even lesser. U remember when kor kor first came to us, his weight is only 5.8kg and he is like boney. Can feel his bone everywhere. Now he is back to that shape again. Hai....

haha cookie baby - Mummy just happen to weight myself too. Mummy also lost weight. Mummy lose 3kg in just one mth time. That fast yah. Daddy been nagging so much abt Mummy weight lost. Gonna pump up more....U remember how Mummy alway complained to u that Mummy put on weight? And baby cookie, hahah only u wont laught at Mummy when Mummy complained hor. Cos all of Mummy friends will scream if Mummy ever say I m Fat...or i put on weight. But cookie, u noe rite...Mummy did put on..became more fleshy. Baby Cookie...gave Mummy more time...soon Mummy will put on and start my complain again k. U miss Mummy's nag rite dun u?

Jappy Kor Kor not eating

My Little Angel Cookie

Jappy Kor Kor throw temper again. He refused to eat since yesterday. Yesterday whole day, he just ate a few pieces of meat. Mummy even make the effort to cook for him since he refuse to eat his barf. And even after cooking, he only took a few pcs and Mummy had to throw away the rest. Waste Mummy's and Daddy's effort. Cookie baby,its ur fav rite - homecook food. How Mummy wish to be able to see u eat just another meal...but its not gonna be anymore.

Mummy had tried my best...but stil the best to Kor Kor never seem rite. This morning, We even wake up early and brought him downstair for a walk, thinking he might be able to eat after that. But still, he refuse to. Till Daddy gave up and decided we shall let him strave.

Cookie, Mummy is so worried now. U noe Jappy Kor Kor have gastric problems all these while. How can he not eat for few days? Mummy think he sure gonna vomit again? Mummy afraid he might just b too depress to eat, and slowly get weaker...

Baby cookie, u noti little chille padi...where have u been? Playing too much in heaven? U not watching over ur Kor Kor yah?

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Going a month

Baby Cookie

Its going a month without u. Times passed real fast. Mummy cant figure out how i have lead this almost a mth time. But stil days passes by each day.

Just rite now cookie, Mummy isnt feeling reali good. The pain of losing u is still so raw...still so new...still so real like its had just happened. Emotions have been like a rollar coaster. There are times when Mummy seem just alright...and there were moments just like now when Mummy's heart just ache non stop. Life is just so fraigle like a nice sweet bubble.

Mayb others wont know, Mayb others cant tell, Mayb others cant understand nor feel, how deep Mummy's wound is...But cookie u surely know rite?

My little angel, will u come back to me if u have the chance? Will u come and visit Mummy in my dreams?