When its all that u have

Cookie baby,

Last nite, Mummy had to burn midnite oil studying for the upcoming exam. Mummy did it alone with all the rest sleeping. Even Jappy Kor Kor cant wait and fast alseep before everyone of us... Mummy stay up late til 1plus pm. And suddenly, Mummy just break down again. Mummy really miss u. Do u know this is the most difficult time in Mummy life. Cookie - Mummy is so lousy rite?

The nite time seem the hardest. Esp when all are alseep. If u were stil around, am i sure u will be here for Mummy rite?

Knowing life without u would be hard but it until Mummy had really experience the loss that i realised the pain. Its when someone loss before, then that someone will realised how it have been. How true...and how real it is.

Just like now. Mummy never know that all i need is God until all i have is God...Only God.

I miss u

Cookie baby, Mummy found this pic while tidying the PC. Its Cookie and Mummy. Baby, do u stil remember? We went to help out at the dog show? And there is a mini competition for the look alike couple - owner and dog. And Mummy went to took this pic wif u and me.
Haha - cookie, we didnt win any at all. But Mummy stil think we look the best, cookie look the best of all. Cookie baby, u look so much like Mummy, dont u? U think so?
Past two days, our laptop spoilt and Daddy had to send for repair. So Mummy start to tidy up all the pics. Seeing ur pics hurt so much. And Mummy became worry, wondering if cookie is happy and all rite now? Remember, whenever we go holiday - cookie u will wait for days and not even wan to sleep. The most u nap while and start waiting again...And only when we are back, then u will sleep like a log for days.
Mummy wondering will u behave this way without us ard? But daddy say no...u will wait but u have god to shower plenti of love on u. Daddy and Auntie A said u prob sitting on God's lap, all the time, bark and showing ur teeth at those that wan to cum near...that's u rite Baby. Mummy always try to picture this imagine whenever Mummy feel pain. Mummy hope God will have many many hands so he could reserve one for u, to hug u. Mummy hope God will have many many legs so he could reserve one for u, to let u sit on his lap.

Cookie, Mummy miss u

Love is all about....

Baby Cookie

Mummy woke up and was crying this morning again. But Baby cookie, this time Mummy dun feel as bad as those other many times that Mummy shed my tears.
Somehow Mummy seem to understand certain things. Mayb not fully understood yet, but Mummy is somewhere there...i felt.

Mummy been telling myself, if Mummy continue this way...feel down and sad...cookie baby will also be very sad, worried and wont bare to let go too. Baby u love Mummy as much as Mummy love u rite...Just as u dun wan, dun wish to see a heartbroken Mummy, Mummy also dun wan to see a heartbroken Cookie. Mummy been thinking of this, for every little tears that roll down frm my eyes, Mayb it even more on cookie beautiful eyes. And frm this, Mummy suddenly feel like "wake up' kind cos Mummy wont want cookie to be in pain.

Its painful period while feeling cant really be control by oneself. But Mummy can control how to react to these feeling. I can control not to let my mind think of the unhappiness and dwel on it. Can control to keep my mind on happy issue. Can control my mind on the sweet moments wif cookie...I could do much more then dwelling into it.

Baby Cookie, U must be smilling happily rite now rite? Wherever u are now (Mummy wish u are in heaven thoug), Mummy wan u to be happy...Always happy...cos Mummy really love Cookie.

Is this what love is all about?

P/S: Thanks to my dear friends, for all ur prayers and support. U noe who u are rite, hehee i dun have to cum out names rite...frm the deepest of my heart - really thank u all. Becos of ur prayers, i m slowly and will slowly pick up frm the lowest soon.

Ur Jappy Kor Kor

Baby Cookie

Do u miss Jappy Kor Kor?

Baby, ur Jappy Kor Kor miss u so much. He is doing much better now compare to last two weeks.

But Cookie, Kor kor is stil not eating well. He no longer the happy go lucki Jappy anymore.
U remember, he used to bark and whine and jump when Mummy was preparing food for the both of u.
And cookie gal, u always got so angry with his rubbish that you will snap at him to ask him to shut up. Without u scolding him, he seem not keen in food anymore. He no longer cum and wait for his food in joy.
In fact, when Mummy start preparing food, he walk into the room with his tail down. Sometime when Mummy chased after him, he went to hide inside the walk in wardrobe and He even peek to see if Mummy went off chasing him already ant. Mummy had no choice so we change his diet to one meal a day. Cos by night time, he would be strave and hungry and have no choice but to eat. Even at nite, Mummy had to take like 20min to feed him compare to 5min when u are ard.
Jappy kor kor also not interested in treats anymore. Whatever treats we gave, he refuse to take.
Cookie baby, u see...actuali Jappy kor kor do love cookie alot too. Ur leaving left such great impact and changes in kor kor life. Do u noe how much we love u baby?

Baby cookie, Mummy still havent been sleeping well. And due to the lack of sleep, Mummy start having headache almost everyday. So bad so that Mummy had to take panadol daily. Mummy will try to cut down taking k. Ohya baby, our bach flower just came yesterday. Mummy took it last nite. This bach flower is a combination of a few naturals flower which help to calm the mind...read that its help with insomnia too. Baby u are stil watching over Mummy rite? Mummy have been trying my best to be happy each day, taking each day - hr by hr. Baby cookie, can u tell Mummy is trying already?

You are my everything

Cookie Baby

This three years is the most wonderful three years in Mummy's 27 year of life.

You are not just a pet nor a dog to Mummy...but you are Mummy's everything.

You made Mummy's going home a looking forward process...from the day u cum till the day u left. Every weekdays at work, Mummy just cant wait to go home to have u jumping in joy upon seeing Mummy is home. Cookie, do u remember all these? Will u forget Mummy? Mummy have not forgetten every little bits of Cookie, not at all, not now and not ever.

U are a very quiet dog. U seldom bark, only when there is some one at the door. Even when something goes wrong, u never bark and seldom whine.

When things goes wrong, u are always the one who pick it up. When the aircon was leaking, be it in the middle of the nite or be it in the day time when Mummy was busy wif other thing, u stood rite there...looking at the aircon and looking back at Mummy. Mummy is a blur person yah. U are alway the one who notice things. Mummy only notice the aircon leaking, despite its pouring out so much water, until Mummy saw that look on ur face.

Not just the aircon, the tiolet bowl leakage too. U stood outside the tiolet refuse to move even when Mummy call a hundred times...not until Mummy discover it.

Baby, do u remember there was once there is a big fly in Mummy room that make Mummy frek out. U were so brave. U jump and jump trying to catch the fly away. And eventuali the fly gave up and left.

Cookie, Mummy have to learn to live my life again. All over again...without u around anymore....

My Pretty Angel

Cookie
Do u noe u are so pretti in Mummy's eye?
Do u noe u are just the right size for Mummy to hug?
Do u noe u look so much like Mummy?
Do u noe u are a sweet little angel to Mummy?
Do u noe u got two brown eyes that speak?
Do u noe u got the best mixture of colour?
Do u noe u got super nice soft fur?
Do u noe u got a heart shape at the right side of ur body?

My pretti little Angel Cookie...
Mummy love u

Our Sunday

Baby Cookie

This sunday seem worse then last sunday.

Daddy woke up with a bad backache, whole body aching and couldnt go church. Becos Mummy didnt sleep well last nite. Mummy was awake in the middle of the nite. Mummy cried myself to sleep again. Weekend been always hard.Middle of the nite while Mummy was awake, Mummy blamed the aircon, the weather, the blanket, everything and even wake Daddy up to adjust the aircon etc....But the real true fact - Mummy noes. Its becos Cookie u are not here anymore.

Cookie how long more will Mummy get used to without u? How long more will Mummy be pefectly ok?

Angel Cookie...it been more almost three weeks already. And til now, Mummy stil feel like it had just happen...the pain is so intenses, so real...so deep.
Mummy been reading alot of book right now...book on dealing wif the loss of pets...books on do dogs go heaven...Mummy seem to be searching for an answer...But yet deep within Mummy noe there is no answer. No answer to why cookie is gone, No answer to why Cookie had to go, No answer to how to cope wif all these. Mummy just had to learn, learn to grow used to it. Learn to go out of it.

Still remember, Auntie A said this to Mummy:

You can let go, let go of the pain...let go of the guilt
and
Let go doesnt mean not to love cookie anymore
Let go mean to honour this love for cookie
Let go mean to remember this love for cookie
Let go mean to get on life and be a happier person
Let go mean to treasure the current wan who left behind
Let go mean not to dwell on the passing by
And by being able to let go - this is the true essence of love. Cos cookie wont wan Mummy to be be in pain, to be in guilt.

Mummy is still going through this...learning what its really meant to be. Perhaps this is ur purpose of life when u cross Mummy's path.