Thursday, October 28, 2010
Last nite Mummy brought Jappy Kor Kor to the vet. Grandma called in the afternoon complaining that Jappy Kor Kor not eating well for already 1mth and yet Mummy didnt bring him for a check up. Even Melvin Kor Kor complained that why Mummy didnt rush to the vet. Baby, u had a weaker immunity that whenever u are alittle not well, the first thing Mummy does is rush to the vet. But for Jappy Kor Kor, Mummy didnt cos he is alway much better. He heal faster and never really gave us problems. So Mummy never tot of going to the vet. But since Grandma and everyone complained and suggest i should bring for a check up. We went...
And baby, Kor Kor is super healthy. Despite him not eating well for the past one mth, his weight is still slightly over. Baby cookie, u b shock if u noe his weight. hahahaa...despite not eating, he still a fatti. So mean of Mummy hor. But Mummy is glad he is healthy.
But vet confirmed one thing - He is emotionali affected. Not used to being alone without u? Physical, Kor Kor is perfectly fine but emotionali he is not. Emotional ur Kor Kor is not well. Hai baby cookie...now Mummy feel that physical wound is so much easier to nurse then emotional wound. Was told to move the furniture area and try to change the food bowl and items at home...to help kor kor to get over.
But Baby, Mummy stil dun have the courage to keep away ur pee tray. Its easy said then done. Mummy just cant...cant keep away ur stuff.
So hard on Mummy these period...Baby, Mummy have to put up a strong front to face our family so that they wont worry, put on a happi face in work so that Mummy can continue working, put up a strong n loving side toward Jappy to be a good Mummy, Put up with the stress in the coming exam....Cookie how Mummy wish u are here wif Mummy. Only if u were still around...
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Mummy is right now looking for an ash necklace. U noe what it is? It a necklace that can contain ashes. Mummy want to have one. Mummy wish to have one.
Mummy want to place ur ash inside this necklace and wear it whereever i goes. Mummy want cookie baby to be close to Mummy. Not just in memories....
Mummy told Daddy that one day if Mummy passed on before Daddy, Daddy will have to remember to mix Mummy's ash and cookie's ash together. Like wise, Mummy promissed Daddy to do the same. Does it means that we are together forever, Baby?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Today is the 2nd day ur kor kor have not taken any meals. He only took a few pcs of meat. And now, Mummy can feel his ribs bone already. He really slim down alot alot. Nothing seem to work for him. Nothing seem to interest him except going out of home. Mummy wonder was it because ur tragic accident leave a bad impact on him. He is getting out of hand.
Mummy got an idea not sure if it works. Tonite, Mummy is going to mince all the meat/veg/potato together and stem for him. Hopeful he get to eat some.
He used to be 6.5 kg. And Mummy suspect he is weight just barly 6kg or even lesser. U remember when kor kor first came to us, his weight is only 5.8kg and he is like boney. Can feel his bone everywhere. Now he is back to that shape again. Hai....
haha cookie baby - Mummy just happen to weight myself too. Mummy also lost weight. Mummy lose 3kg in just one mth time. That fast yah. Daddy been nagging so much abt Mummy weight lost. Gonna pump up more....U remember how Mummy alway complained to u that Mummy put on weight? And baby cookie, hahah only u wont laught at Mummy when Mummy complained hor. Cos all of Mummy friends will scream if Mummy ever say I m Fat...or i put on weight. But cookie, u noe rite...Mummy did put on..became more fleshy. Baby Cookie...gave Mummy more time...soon Mummy will put on and start my complain again k. U miss Mummy's nag rite dun u?
Jappy Kor Kor throw temper again. He refused to eat since yesterday. Yesterday whole day, he just ate a few pieces of meat. Mummy even make the effort to cook for him since he refuse to eat his barf. And even after cooking, he only took a few pcs and Mummy had to throw away the rest. Waste Mummy's and Daddy's effort. Cookie baby,its ur fav rite - homecook food. How Mummy wish to be able to see u eat just another meal...but its not gonna be anymore.
Mummy had tried my best...but stil the best to Kor Kor never seem rite. This morning, We even wake up early and brought him downstair for a walk, thinking he might be able to eat after that. But still, he refuse to. Till Daddy gave up and decided we shall let him strave.
Cookie, Mummy is so worried now. U noe Jappy Kor Kor have gastric problems all these while. How can he not eat for few days? Mummy think he sure gonna vomit again? Mummy afraid he might just b too depress to eat, and slowly get weaker...
Baby cookie, u noti little chille padi...where have u been? Playing too much in heaven? U not watching over ur Kor Kor yah?
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Its going a month without u. Times passed real fast. Mummy cant figure out how i have lead this almost a mth time. But stil days passes by each day.
Just rite now cookie, Mummy isnt feeling reali good. The pain of losing u is still so raw...still so new...still so real like its had just happened. Emotions have been like a rollar coaster. There are times when Mummy seem just alright...and there were moments just like now when Mummy's heart just ache non stop. Life is just so fraigle like a nice sweet bubble.
Mayb others wont know, Mayb others cant tell, Mayb others cant understand nor feel, how deep Mummy's wound is...But cookie u surely know rite?
My little angel, will u come back to me if u have the chance? Will u come and visit Mummy in my dreams?
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Last nite, Mummy had to burn midnite oil studying for the upcoming exam. Mummy did it alone with all the rest sleeping. Even Jappy Kor Kor cant wait and fast alseep before everyone of us... Mummy stay up late til 1plus pm. And suddenly, Mummy just break down again. Mummy really miss u. Do u know this is the most difficult time in Mummy life. Cookie - Mummy is so lousy rite?
The nite time seem the hardest. Esp when all are alseep. If u were stil around, am i sure u will be here for Mummy rite?
Knowing life without u would be hard but it until Mummy had really experience the loss that i realised the pain. Its when someone loss before, then that someone will realised how it have been. How true...and how real it is.
Just like now. Mummy never know that all i need is God until all i have is God...Only God.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Cookie baby, Mummy found this pic while tidying the PC. Its Cookie and Mummy. Baby, do u stil remember? We went to help out at the dog show? And there is a mini competition for the look alike couple - owner and dog. And Mummy went to took this pic wif u and me.
Haha - cookie, we didnt win any at all. But Mummy stil think we look the best, cookie look the best of all. Cookie baby, u look so much like Mummy, dont u? U think so?
Past two days, our laptop spoilt and Daddy had to send for repair. So Mummy start to tidy up all the pics. Seeing ur pics hurt so much. And Mummy became worry, wondering if cookie is happy and all rite now? Remember, whenever we go holiday - cookie u will wait for days and not even wan to sleep. The most u nap while and start waiting again...And only when we are back, then u will sleep like a log for days.
Mummy wondering will u behave this way without us ard? But daddy say no...u will wait but u have god to shower plenti of love on u. Daddy and Auntie A said u prob sitting on God's lap, all the time, bark and showing ur teeth at those that wan to cum near...that's u rite Baby. Mummy always try to picture this imagine whenever Mummy feel pain. Mummy hope God will have many many hands so he could reserve one for u, to hug u. Mummy hope God will have many many legs so he could reserve one for u, to let u sit on his lap.
Cookie, Mummy miss u
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Mummy woke up and was crying this morning again. But Baby cookie, this time Mummy dun feel as bad as those other many times that Mummy shed my tears.
Somehow Mummy seem to understand certain things. Mayb not fully understood yet, but Mummy is somewhere there...i felt.
Mummy been telling myself, if Mummy continue this way...feel down and sad...cookie baby will also be very sad, worried and wont bare to let go too. Baby u love Mummy as much as Mummy love u rite...Just as u dun wan, dun wish to see a heartbroken Mummy, Mummy also dun wan to see a heartbroken Cookie. Mummy been thinking of this, for every little tears that roll down frm my eyes, Mayb it even more on cookie beautiful eyes. And frm this, Mummy suddenly feel like "wake up' kind cos Mummy wont want cookie to be in pain.
Its painful period while feeling cant really be control by oneself. But Mummy can control how to react to these feeling. I can control not to let my mind think of the unhappiness and dwel on it. Can control to keep my mind on happy issue. Can control my mind on the sweet moments wif cookie...I could do much more then dwelling into it.
Baby Cookie, U must be smilling happily rite now rite? Wherever u are now (Mummy wish u are in heaven thoug), Mummy wan u to be happy...Always happy...cos Mummy really love Cookie.
Is this what love is all about?
P/S: Thanks to my dear friends, for all ur prayers and support. U noe who u are rite, hehee i dun have to cum out names rite...frm the deepest of my heart - really thank u all. Becos of ur prayers, i m slowly and will slowly pick up frm the lowest soon.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Do u miss Jappy Kor Kor?
Baby, ur Jappy Kor Kor miss u so much. He is doing much better now compare to last two weeks.
But Cookie, Kor kor is stil not eating well. He no longer the happy go lucki Jappy anymore.
U remember, he used to bark and whine and jump when Mummy was preparing food for the both of u.
And cookie gal, u always got so angry with his rubbish that you will snap at him to ask him to shut up. Without u scolding him, he seem not keen in food anymore. He no longer cum and wait for his food in joy.
In fact, when Mummy start preparing food, he walk into the room with his tail down. Sometime when Mummy chased after him, he went to hide inside the walk in wardrobe and He even peek to see if Mummy went off chasing him already ant. Mummy had no choice so we change his diet to one meal a day. Cos by night time, he would be strave and hungry and have no choice but to eat. Even at nite, Mummy had to take like 20min to feed him compare to 5min when u are ard.
Jappy kor kor also not interested in treats anymore. Whatever treats we gave, he refuse to take.
Cookie baby, u see...actuali Jappy kor kor do love cookie alot too. Ur leaving left such great impact and changes in kor kor life. Do u noe how much we love u baby?
Baby cookie, Mummy still havent been sleeping well. And due to the lack of sleep, Mummy start having headache almost everyday. So bad so that Mummy had to take panadol daily. Mummy will try to cut down taking k. Ohya baby, our bach flower just came yesterday. Mummy took it last nite. This bach flower is a combination of a few naturals flower which help to calm the mind...read that its help with insomnia too. Baby u are stil watching over Mummy rite? Mummy have been trying my best to be happy each day, taking each day - hr by hr. Baby cookie, can u tell Mummy is trying already?
Sunday, October 17, 2010
This three years is the most wonderful three years in Mummy's 27 year of life.
You are not just a pet nor a dog to Mummy...but you are Mummy's everything.
You made Mummy's going home a looking forward process...from the day u cum till the day u left. Every weekdays at work, Mummy just cant wait to go home to have u jumping in joy upon seeing Mummy is home. Cookie, do u remember all these? Will u forget Mummy? Mummy have not forgetten every little bits of Cookie, not at all, not now and not ever.
U are a very quiet dog. U seldom bark, only when there is some one at the door. Even when something goes wrong, u never bark and seldom whine.
When things goes wrong, u are always the one who pick it up. When the aircon was leaking, be it in the middle of the nite or be it in the day time when Mummy was busy wif other thing, u stood rite there...looking at the aircon and looking back at Mummy. Mummy is a blur person yah. U are alway the one who notice things. Mummy only notice the aircon leaking, despite its pouring out so much water, until Mummy saw that look on ur face.
Not just the aircon, the tiolet bowl leakage too. U stood outside the tiolet refuse to move even when Mummy call a hundred times...not until Mummy discover it.
Baby, do u remember there was once there is a big fly in Mummy room that make Mummy frek out. U were so brave. U jump and jump trying to catch the fly away. And eventuali the fly gave up and left.
Cookie, Mummy have to learn to live my life again. All over again...without u around anymore....
Do u noe u are so pretti in Mummy's eye?
Do u noe u are just the right size for Mummy to hug?
Do u noe u look so much like Mummy?
Do u noe u are a sweet little angel to Mummy?
Do u noe u got two brown eyes that speak?
Do u noe u got the best mixture of colour?
Do u noe u got super nice soft fur?
Do u noe u got a heart shape at the right side of ur body?
My pretti little Angel Cookie...
Mummy love u
This sunday seem worse then last sunday.
Daddy woke up with a bad backache, whole body aching and couldnt go church. Becos Mummy didnt sleep well last nite. Mummy was awake in the middle of the nite. Mummy cried myself to sleep again. Weekend been always hard.Middle of the nite while Mummy was awake, Mummy blamed the aircon, the weather, the blanket, everything and even wake Daddy up to adjust the aircon etc....But the real true fact - Mummy noes. Its becos Cookie u are not here anymore.
Cookie how long more will Mummy get used to without u? How long more will Mummy be pefectly ok?
Angel Cookie...it been more almost three weeks already. And til now, Mummy stil feel like it had just happen...the pain is so intenses, so real...so deep.
Mummy been reading alot of book right now...book on dealing wif the loss of pets...books on do dogs go heaven...Mummy seem to be searching for an answer...But yet deep within Mummy noe there is no answer. No answer to why cookie is gone, No answer to why Cookie had to go, No answer to how to cope wif all these. Mummy just had to learn, learn to grow used to it. Learn to go out of it.
Still remember, Auntie A said this to Mummy:
You can let go, let go of the pain...let go of the guilt
Let go doesnt mean not to love cookie anymore
Let go mean to honour this love for cookie
Let go mean to remember this love for cookie
Let go mean to get on life and be a happier person
Let go mean to treasure the current wan who left behind
Let go mean not to dwell on the passing by
And by being able to let go - this is the true essence of love. Cos cookie wont wan Mummy to be be in pain, to be in guilt.
Mummy is still going through this...learning what its really meant to be. Perhaps this is ur purpose of life when u cross Mummy's path.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Today Mummy did study in the afternoon. Are u smiling, seeing Mummy studying? Mummy kept telling myself that the more i study, the more cookie be happy. Am i right baby?
We just came back frm grandma place. Mummy cried again. Its a process Mummy had to go through bah.
Mummy having a terrible headache now. Going to take panadmol to sleep soon cos tomolo Mummy going church.
Baby Angel, Mummy is home already. Can u see Mummy? Can u hear Mummy? Can u feel Mummy? Can u cum to Mummy dreams one more time?
Baby...Mummy miss ur smell. Miss ur stomach and ur butt. Miss ur soft fur. Miss ur kisses. Miss ur tiny little paw. Miss the way u hump ur miss piggy. Miss every little bit of u. Do u noe everywhere Mummy goes, Mummy imagine u were stil ard...Mayb this way help Mummy not to feel so bad.
Goodnite my sweet little cookie gal.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Today is Mummy's last day of school. Remember everytime Mummy tell u to endure for Mummy. Endure that Mummy had to go school on every tues n thur nite and had to be home late. Mummy told u its gonna be a yr. And soon aft its finished, Mummy will have time for u. Mummy said before, after this course, Mummy will bring you and korkor down for walk everyday...but Baby u didnt wait til then. Actuali Mummy wanted to start bringing u for walks more often then before already, but before Mummy could do so,U were gone already. Frankly Mummy hate this words...U are gone. This is exact the words Mummy heard when i rushed u in to the vet on that tragic day. Frankly, Mummy knew it before we even reach the vet. But Mummy just dun wan to face it.
Today was the last day of school and Mummy was feeling much worse then yesterday.
Baby, Mummy gonna force myself to study. Each time Mummy tink of u, each little pain Mummy feel, each little fear that grip Mummy heart....Mummy gonna convert all this to Mummy's exam. Baby cookie u be just like before rite...right beside Mummy...watching over Mummy.
2010 was realli a bad year for Mummy. This year is the hardest of all years. Even harder then the year Mummy loss Grandma. This year is the year, Mummy loss my everything...my heart, my love, my little cookie gal
20th Oct cuming...ur heartworm day. Should Mummy cook something nice for u on that day? Mummy feel like doing so...but yet noeing u wont there eating and had to throw the things away eventuali...but still, Mummy think i will do it. Even if u cant eat it, Mummy hope at least u can smell it...can u smell it in heaven? Can u smell Mummy's love for u? Its very sweet? Shall i prepare ur fav egg, pork and mmm let Mummy think and cum out with something nice for u ok.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Last nite, its was pouring. Wif thunder and storm in the very early morning. Mummy think its ard 4plus or 5plus.
And Cookie baby, while Mummy was sleeping. Mummy heard the thunder roar. And was simi awake by it. Then out of the blue, Mummy felt a soft body cuming very gently and curl up in between Mummy legs. Like how u alway are. U will automatic cum in between Mummy Legs when Mummy was watching TV and u would curl up and lay ur head on Mummy leg for support. Within that spilt sec, in Mummy's sub conscious mind, Mummy tot it was you. Really you. Only you.
And Baby, Mummy even call Cookie. And that moment it struck Mummy that its wasnt u. Its Jappy Kor Kor. Jappy Kor Kor nv done such act before. And becos of the thunder, he is so scare that he curl to Mummy legs and hide.
Baby, Is god trying to tell Mummy that Mummy stil have Jappy kor kor. Or iszit Angel cookie cum back to peep at Mummy? Are u the wan who teach Jappy Kor Kor to comfort Mummy in such a way?
Baby Cookie, mayb Mummy is missing u too much...that Mummy tot it was u. And i m wrong.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Why do u had to leave me in such a way?
God took u away when I least expected it
Ur leaving left me pain and hurt
Do u noe how much I love u
Even now, then and forever
Becos I love u and I m feeling the fear
How do I be ever to bond with another again
Is this a lesson I have to learn
For me to grow stronger
And for my faith in god to grew deeper
I imagine u were rite beside me
Even if ur body wasn’t here anymore
Am I rite that u are still watching over me
Pls dun ask me how I m
Cos I m never the same as before
I m not ok at all even if I ever smile
Time will heal wound that I know
But knowing and going though is two different thing
Mayb one day we will be together again
The long long wait seem a hundred years to me
R u as painful as I m
I dun wan u to b in pain
But then again I couldn’t even control myself
Do u tink I m a lousy mummy
Lousy cos I make u worried
Pls wait for me and come back to me
Will u do so even if I m that lousy?
Sunday, October 10, 2010
U remember "Lion" the silky terrier who stay the opposite block? I m sure baby u would remember. Ur memory exceed what Mummy can think and expect of. Yesterday, Mummy saw the owner and lion and they asked about u?
And that they missed u alot cos our timming of walk alway doesnt reali met.
Baby, Mummy wept when Mummy had to tel them hw u passed on. Mummy reali reali hate it, Hate to go throu telling others, Hate to think of it...and whenever Mummy does think of the way it happen, Mummy start to go into panic attack.
Even rite now baby. A sense of fear just grip Mummy's heart.Mummy also dun noe what i m so scare of.
U noe Baby, u must b very heartpain rite, Mummy had to take pill to calm myself down so that Mummy is able to sleep for the first few days. And Mummy had stop taking the pills for days already.
But last nite, Mummy took grandma's relaxers pill again. And after taking, mummy felt so guilty thinking of your little black face looking at Mummy. Yesterday was a bad evening. Mummy met Lion owner and yet at the clinc Mummy had to face grandma's crying and yet have to be stronger in front of her. Baby, Mummy promiss it would be the last time ok. Mummy promissed to myself and to u ok. Pls forgive Mummy once more time?
Baby cookie, mummy had to tell myself everytime that it fated that it had to happen. My little baby gal, iszit true?
Lion Mummy told us Lion's real mother passed away by car accident. And it happen on that fated day that the owner went out without locking the wooden door, only lock the metal door. They use to do so and Lion mother nv once escape out. But just that very day...she ran out and was knock down by a car. They didnt even manage to find her only hours later. And the cleaner told them that the cleaner was about to discard away the body if they had been a minute late in claiming. Baby, its all fated rite? The time to cum had to cum eventuali? Mummy been telling myself this...its true rite?
Mummy's weekend was so hard to go by, a struggle to wake as always....struggle not that Mummy was sleepy, Mummy wasnt at all - in fact Mummy didnt reali sleep well. Mummy alway wake up in the middle of the nite and just couldnt go back to sleep. Struggle cos Mummy cant feel u. Struggle cos No cookie to kiss Mummy. Struggle cos Mummy had to let go but just didnt seem to.
Mummy cried so badly for the first week. But as days passes, Mummy felt so numb to living life...numb to crying, numb to everything in life. The truth is cruel yet so real...the more Mummy realised, the more Mummy numb Mummy feel. Baby u must be hating Mummy this way, Mummy hate it too. And Baby, there isnt much tears cuming out...but instead the pain seem to trap inside Mummy's deepest heart. You noe cookie, Mummy look fine on the outside but deep within my smile, Mummy 's heart is aching. Mummy had to smile...Mummy had to look good on the surface cos if Mummy dont, manys will be worried esp grandma. Grandma not doing well. Grandma visited the doc last nite n was crying n crying. Baby, dun be upsad k, give Mummy and Grandma more time...ok.
Mummy went church on sunday. From the start to the end, Mummy felt nothing wrong. Nothing wrong as in Mummy didnt feel crying like Mummy feel so numb to all these...mayb Mummy is trying to avoid, running away frm the truth. But stil Baby, toward the ending just before we left...Mummy broke down again. Mummy tot i wouldnt, but something inside making Mummy couldnt control anymore then. No matter how many times Mummy asked God why take Baby Cookie away? Why u? It is not going to change the truth...The truth hurts cos Baby u are the most precious...the most special...the most beautiful...the most protective...the most attached...the most sweet...the most gentle...the most bold...the most smart...gal mummy always love.
Baby, whereever u are rite now, can u see us from where u are? Baby, dun be too noti, smelling others and not letting other friends to smell u. Baby dun bark too much and forget abt drinking water. Everytime Mummy say drink water, u will go drink drink...u understand Mummy words rite...now Mummy not beside u anymore, u have to be good gal.
Baby Mummy decorated a special place for u at home, in front of our bed. Mummy brought a very beautiful cystal frame for ur photo, matching cystal box to hold ur soft fur, ur baby teeth...Mummy also brought an angel. This little angel is holding a heart that wrote Sept. Cookie, do u noe u are just like this angel...Mummy's September Angel Gal. Baby do u like what Mummy have done up for u. Are u happy smiling in Joy seeing this?
Baby Mummy hope i could sent u this pices to where ever u are...the place for cookie belong to in Mummy 's heart, Mummy's room.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Was it meant as an accident? or was it just a way that it should happen? Would it had been better if Mummy was beside u? Mummy hate to tink of the way u passed on cos its just too hurting to see u throug that. Would it be worse if Mummy was beside u then? Would cookie baby be guilty n hurtful to let go of Mummy if Mummy were beside u then?
Baby, Mummy was told that there is a time for everything.
A time of joy and A time of sorrow
A time of birth and A time of death
A time of happiness and A time of saddness
Nothing on earth stands forever
But Baby cookie, Mummy found one thing that will last forever that exist all Time...even if days passess, Mummy love for Cookie will nv fade. Mummy will have to carry on Mummys journey on earth...be it painfully...but Mummy will bare this love for cookie til the days Mummy's life on earth is done and that we shall meet again.
U noe baby cookie, Mummy still have not clear away ur pee tray. Mummy just cant bear to do so...but Mummy noes one day Mummy had to so. Ur urine stain stil remains there. And each time Mummy look at the pee tray, the image of u - there peeing flashes back on Mummy mind. Baby, u noe....Mummy just feel so connected wif u. Whenever u poo poo and stain all over ur backside, u little clean frek....u will b so afraid to sit down wif stain on ur backside. Daddy can nv tel when u stain ur backside or when u didnt. But Mummy were so proud of myself that just one look at cookie - Mummy noes. Cos Cookie baby, u will always gave Mummy that weird look...the look that Mummy had no way in describing it. But Mummy noes.
Just like how Cookie noes Mummy tot inside out. Just by one look on Mummy face, Cookie noes Mummy wants Cookie to cum and sit on Mummy lap. Baby Cookie, u noe it rite even when Mummy nv say it out and was saying it in my heart. U seem to hear Mummy's heart dont u?
That how close we are Baby. The love that bond us together....
Friday, October 8, 2010
Today is the 2nd Sat without u waking Mummy up. Baby, am i a lousy Mummy? Mummy woke up crying again. The more Mummy misses u, the more truth sank in to Mummy's heart and that is Cookie is gone.
Baby Cookie, Mummy cant help thinking abt u. Yesterday, Mummy finali bath Jappy Kor Kor. But Mummy cried aft the Bathing session. Baby Angel, u wont want to see Mummy like that rite? U must b very upsad wif Mummy rite now. U noe when u are angry wif Mummy, ur little black face show. U noti little gal...Mummy miss calling u this way.
Jappy Kor Kor wasnt doing very well this morning. He refuse to eat his breakfast again. Mummy had to chase aft him and even so, he bite one mouth n puke it out. Baby Cookie, is he missing u just as much or is he trying to b funi cos now he is the only wan left? Mummy cant help feeling angry wif him. Nowaday, Mummy seem to b angry over the smallest thing. Baby, if u were ard things wouldnt b like this rite. Mummy's life just isnt complete without u by myside.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Wif each passing days, Mummy just miss u more and more.
Do u noe aft u left on that very day, mummy hate going home. Mummy hate going home to have no more cookie by Mummy's side. No more cookie greeting, Jumping and kissing Mummy.
Mummy could no longer called out to Cookie and even if Mummy does calling the hundred times, Mummy noes Cookie will not be running to my arms again. Do u remember, u noti little gal, sometime u throw temper and refuse to cum to Mummy when Mummy called for u? U pretend u nv heard Mummy's calling when actuali u did, u pretend u were busy doing things even when u heard Mummy...U noti little gal so ful of character yah. But Mummy noe u just too well, just like how u noe Mummy - inside out. And when Mummy called oreo oreo instead of cookie cookie, u surely will cum flying into my laps. U were so possessive over Mummy rite?
U wont want any other dogs near Mummy rite. But u allow Jappy into our life. Mummy found a pic of u laying down next to Jappy Kor Kor on his first day home. U nv snap nor bite him. U allow him so. Angel cookie, was it becos u noe ur time wil be short wif us and u wan Mummy to have Jappy kor kor so Mummy wont be alone durning this time?
Baby Cookie, Mummy have so so many undone things with u. U noe Mummy just brought the "HappyTail" skin tonic for u? Its combine of many herbs which is the best of all for skin. Mummy brought it speciali for u. But baby, mummy nv have the chance to feed u. U noe that very nite when Mummy was on the way hm, Mummy tot oh finali the tonic is here for cookie and mummy can feed u then. But then was never.
Baby Cookie, Mummy have not bath Jappy yet. After u left....and now he sink. Mummy remember every weekend we will have our bathing session. Its alway u first follow by Jappy Kor Kor. And whenever Mummy take out ur pail and towl, Baby u run to hide under the bench.
And aft Mummy finish ur bath and blow u dry, u smell so nice and u will hop ard on the bed. U trying to show off rite and tel Mummy u feel so cooling rite?
Baby, Mummy enjoyed doing all these for u. Blowing u dry is so easy cos baby u are so wel behave. U even sleep while sitting down when Mummy blow too long.
Cookie, U hate to touch water and u alway try to keep urself clean and not wet. Even when we goes for walk. U jump over puddles of water, remember? Mummy will nv forget.
Baby, tonite Mummy have to bath jappy kor kor already. Eventuali, Mummy have to. But its so painful to even think of it.
It is never gonna be the same without u anymore.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Thank you for being there for mummy when mummy needs someone
Thank you for loving mummy even when mummy throw temper at times
Thank you for protecting me mummy when mummy is in the crowd
Thank you for teaching mummy how to care for a noti little pup like u
Thank you for letting mummy learn what is best for a sick baby like u which is love
Thank you for making mummy realised just how different you are
Thank you for worrying abt mummy when mummy is sick
Thank you for missing mummy when mummy is away on holiday
Thank you for forgiving mummy when mummy forbid u frm eating junk food
Baby, thank you for cuming into mummy life. U are god greatest gift to mummy.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Yesterday was the 5th day of the month...remember every 5th day, Mummy have to feed Jappy kor kor heartworm. And wif u ard, its so easy to feed him. He will gup down it fast. But cookie, u are alway so smart. U noe Kor kor very clumsy rite...he alway drop his food. And cookie will alway aim for it before mummy even notice it rite. And each time, mummy had to be super alert to prevent u frm eating it. And when ever mummy win, mummy had a long hard time trying to comfort u that the heartworm is not treats and u cant have it. But u greedy noti gal...wif another extra treats for u...Mummy easier win u over.
But yesterday, Jappy kor kor just refused to eat it. He puke it out each time. So end up Daddy had to mix it in to his meal. And baby cookie, u noe what...this morning he vomit it all out.
Baby cookie - u must be thinking what a waste rite? Its ur fav rite....
Angel cookie - last nite for the first time Mummy managed to sleep a good 3hrs. Its the longest sleep mummy had so far aft u left. Mummy did improved rite baby?
Exam is cuming soon...Its reali a hard time for mummy. Its a constand reminder that in the past when mummy were burning midnite oil, baby u were there for me, waiting and company Mummy throughout the nite. Even Jappy kor kor gave up and went to bed. But just not u.
Baby, becos of this...Mummy will make sure mummy passed the exam. Its painful but mummy will do it for u cos Mummy love Cookie.
If love is about giving....Mummy would gave it all out for u Cookie
If letting you go will make u happy
If letting you go will make u smile
If letting you go will make u at ease
If letting you go will make u joyful
If letting you go will make u less worry
If letting you go will make u less painful
If letting you go will make u less hurtful
If letting you go is the one and only way Mummy can do to show u just how much Mummy love u,
My baby cookie - Mummy will try my best,
Mummy will let u go even when Mummy is in pain...even when Mummy is in fear...even when Mummy dun bare to let go
But baby for u...Mummy will try...
Monday, October 4, 2010
Last nite Mummy pray to god. Mummy ask god to let cookie gal cum into mummy dreams. And cookie, Mummy really did dreamt of u.
Mummy dreamt that cookie u went missing for days and suddenly u appear at our home. U cum in and were very happy. Mummy and Cookie were playing very very happily. And Jappy kor kor was as usuali tagging on behind u, joining us. Cookie, u were smiling in mummy dream and mummy sense ur love for mummy. Mummy held u up the way mummy used to do so. Mummy hugged cookie too. Cookie, Mummy finali noe that cookie wasnt upsad with mummy...cookie didnt blame mummy for what had happened.
Mummy woke up rite aft the dream and couldnt sleep becos of tummy ache. til the morning. Cookie gal, mummy hate the morning part. Mummy alway dun feel good in the morning...without u.
But baby, as mummy is writing this...mummy feel much better already.
Recalling last few days, mummy read from somewhere abt a lady whom lost her beloved baby. She was then just as devasted as mummy. Someone question her : if she would trade off her pain vs the love she share between her baby if given a choice.
And rite now every moment that mummy feel bad, imummy asked myself the same old question. And my answer was clear witout 2nd tot...mummy wont. mummy wont trade off any single thing for that bond, for that love...even when the pain seem everlasting. mummy just wont. And somehow this made mummy feel better.
Baby, u noti little chili padi. thats one of ur nick u noe baby. But baby Mummy decided to add one more nick for u. The Angel Cookie. Mummy's Angel.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Yesterday evening, Daddy fall alseep at ard 6plus. Mummy was very tired. Tired from crying and was laying on the bed. Jappy Kor Kor was beside Mummy. But Mummy just couldnt fall alseep. Mummy felt so lonely, so empty. Mummy kept saying God is beside Mummy but still...mummy sense fear. Just suddenly, mummy heard a sound. Remember, when u were wearing the ecollar on, with that collar on, and when mummy were in the tiolet or inside the room...u alway try to sneak in to be wif mummy. And that plastic ecollar sound squeeing throu the door sound. I heard it once and i told myself I m thinking too much. Missing too much...but then again, Mummy heard it again. It stop aft the third time.
Was it u, Baby? u trying to cum into the room wif mummy? Mummy had left the door ajar, in case kor kor wan to go out....or when u wan to cum in. It became a habit already. R u reali here?
Mummy went to the living room alone. I tot i have to face it, face the tragic place where u left mummy. Mummy knee there for a good two hours. There wasnt any tears cuming out. Mummy felt so numb. So empty and lost.
But baby, Mummy were very surprise. U noe what - Jappy kor kor the fat lazy bum cum out to the living room. He was fall alseep when Mummy left the room. He cum out but he didnt cum near mummy nor did he cum to cuddle mummy. He just lay down at a corner with his head on the floor, facing mummy. He is watching over Mummy. Did u taught him so Baby?
Do u noe mummy and daddy attended church service this morning. Mummy noes that god been very good to mummy that mummy got many great friends ard. And wif great daddy ard durning this difficult moments.
For the first 1-2 hrs, mummy reali did sang my heart out to god. But baby, dun noe why when the session end and when it time to go home, mummy felt a strange grip of fear again. Do u noe for the past few days aft ur leaving, mummy had been crying til a stage mummy actuali felt numb. But somehow today on the way home, the pain cum again. But this time, there wasnt any tears cuming out at all.
Baby, mummy seem so crazy. Some moments - Mummy seem prefectly fine, Some moments - Mummy just cant help feeling scare. And Mummy dun even noe what mummy is scare of.
Cookie, Mummy noe Mummy have to get over, have to let, have to move on. Feeling just isnt so easy to control at all.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Mummy woke up crying for u. Today is sat morning. Baby cookie, u alway noe when it is weekend rite? And when its a sat, u will prevent mummy from sleep late. U jump on mummy body and pants kisses to wake us up. U alway start wif Mummy, followed with Daddy and back to Mummy til we drag ourself up. Baby cookie, mummy miss u so so so much. Do u noe mummy feel like A robort now.
Sori baby nothing seem to ease the pain. Writing to u seem more painful but baby this is the only way mummy feel closer to u. U can hear me rite cookie? Baby, i wish i could just die and be with u. U noe Mummy even tot why not god take mummy away instead.......
Baby, Mummy had sleepless nite. Mummy keep telling myself - cookie baby is with god now but yet this didnt ease mummy pain.
Cookie - do u hate mummy? do u hate me for mummy wasnt there when u need mummy most?
Baby cookie, daddy forcing me out to feed the strays this morning. On yesterday morning, as Daddy sent mummy to work, we saw one Black Mummy dog and a pup roaming ard looking for food. Daddy say we should put our pain into a strength for the stray who need some bit of love. So baby this morning we went to look for them...thiinking of sending them food.
But baby we didnt find them, instead we landed up at an animal resort. We saw horses there, ostrids, rabbits and fishes. The place seem so peaceful. Mummy and daddy had our breakfast there. Its the first time Mummy managed to finish mummy's breakfast. U noe baby? did u lead us there? After breakfast, mummy suddenly think of u. how good it is if u were there wif us. but daddy say u were the one who lead us there so u are watch over us. Baby iszit true?
Mummy finali cut my long hair away. Daddy insist so. To have a fresh start? Mummy did cut eventuali. Baby can u see mummy's new hair cut even when u are in heaven? Do u tink Mummy look better?
Goodnite my cookie. Mummy had to go wash up. Daddy nagging already.
Day 1 of
U cling on to me as daddy drove us home.
So what u are not as tiny as other Chihuahua…so what if they wan u for breeding….from that day on – u are mummy’s and daddy’s gal.
The first 3 mths
We were told by doing so…our little gal wif droopy ear will broom into one wif sharp long ear. And baby u did. My pretty little gal. Do u noe u look just like mummy? Many people said so u noe baby?
Baby, u were so weak then....
Remember u cough n cough every moment that mummy even recorded and monitor the number of time u cough in an hr to the days following
U were given jab aft jab. Almost to the stage of going to be admitted if u dun pick up.
But mummy n daddy were determined to do it right for u.
Baby thank u for you never collapsed to that cough. U sense our love didn’t u?
Do u remember we cover blanket and enclose
You are the smartest gal I ever noe. You learn to sit at command at the tender age of 5mths old. U noe how to lay down at command.
Your 6-9mths old
Cookie u look just like a mouse then.
U grow bigger now. U went for
U were weak but baby u did recovered. Baby
Cookie noti little gal – u outgrow
U spring so fast even mummy had a hard time catching you.
Baby u were noti playful like pup which mummy enjoyed being with u.
Remember u bite and spoilt daddy many ear phone…and u love mummy hair clips that I lost count of how many that was spoilt by u. baby, I m happy u grew up this way.
Baby, mummy send u for sterilized when u were just 8mths old.
Do u noe why mummy had to do that?
Baby, I wan the best for u.
I wanted to mark an end to u being so called chosen as the breeding wan for that shop…I wanted u to no longer have to give birth and go through pain seeing
I dun wan u to have any womb cancer when u age. Baby cookie, mummy wish and tot we would grow old together.
You cry and scream at nites after the operation and mummy cried with u almost every nites. Mummy carry u every other hours to the pee tray. Do u remember?
Your first nite sleeping with us was becos u are so playful. U managed to jump out of the playpen each time I close the light. U are so smart…smarter then anyone anything.
When mummy closed the light and watch u frm behind, u seem to know and u made no move. But the moment mummy entered into the room, monster cookie u jump out.
Somehow mummy sense u. always checking on u. and yes baby u win, u had
You refused to sleep despite its 1am at nite. Daddy n I stay up til then and finally fall asleep as we still feel your tiny feet stepping over us.
The next morning, mummy found u fast asleep right beside me. So sweet of u cookie.
Your 1 yr birthday and 2nd yr birthday
Mummy brought you a strawberry chesse cake. Its your fav rite baby. I remember u fighting with oreo over the cake. U remember baby?
Your first birthday also mark the year we shift into our new house. A home that belong to Daddy’s Mummy’s and Cookie’s.
Still remember, u are a super clean frek….u only pee and poo at home and no where else. So for the very first nite in sengkang, u miss
Till the very next morning, u pee on our platform. Daddy had a hard time clean up the platform for
We had a first photo shoot for u right after
Do u remember mummy cook for u every dinner time? Due to
Cookie, u change our whole family life. Every little bit revole ard u. U noe Ah gong nv like dogs before u? It was u cookie who came and touch his harden heart. Melvin Korkor hated dog like hell baby. And when u were young as a pup....melvin kor kor keep blaming u for his allergy feet. Melvin kor kor nv touch any other dog. Cookie with ur sweet and smart nature, u change all these bit by bit. Mummy caught Melvin kor kor serveral times patting u, droping food on the floor for u....and gal u were so clever...u listen to his command rite. He move, u move. He sit, u sit. Just like how u were towards Mummy. Mummy's shadow? U open the door for Jappy to be ours. If it was any other dog, mummy were sure it wont work out this way. Thank you baby cookie.
Baby cookie, remember our weekend spent with u in the car, waiting for mummy as mummy and daddy walk down that big field to feed “Blackie”. U remember her? Mummy told u Blackie got no food no love? Cookie u are such a sweet gal, u waited patiently in the car for us.
You cheeky gal…u start humping our legs almost every nite, despite the fact that u are spray. U noe mummy is “nono” target and u aim for daddy all the times. Till we cant stand it, we got u a Miss Piggy. U took to it the moment we brought it home. And everynite without fail, we caught u humpin piggy. Baby, we enjoyed seeing u happy, humping piggy.
When mummy and daddy had our argument, and mummy ran downstair to hide. Daddy carry u ard the blocks downstair looking for mummy. Baby, do u noe mummy saw u? Mummy saw
On mummy birthday, cookie u were smuggle in together to a Japanese buffet. U are such a sweet gal. U sleep throughout in the bag. U noe so long as mummy is ard, u are ok wif anything rite…even if u had to be inside that bag.
Mummy love cookie kisses. Cookie u always greet mummy by panting many many kisses on lips when mummy came back home.
Your 2nd birthday, mummy had a big celebration for u. Mummy invited all
Yes baby cookie…I love even u if others say u are big, say u are not standard, not sociable…mummy dun care….mummy just noe u are mine baby – the wan that will stand up, bare ur teeth at others just to be the one and only on mummy’s lap.
U dun like to share, u dun like to give others
My dearest gal, u are so special. So selective to whom u like and whom u dislike. Mummy nv figure why. U pee on those u love and u remember them deep in
Baby do u remember u bite the vet assistance til his finger bleed? Even the vet assistance were so scare of u and send u back to mummy arms. But baby u were so different in my hands. U were Mummy’s sweet little pie.
U were so smart, u hide
U noti little gal, u love to dig the dustbin and shred all the tissue all over. And when mummy scream who did this – u are always the first to hide.
U noe mummy so well baby. When jappy anyhow pee and poo...and when we got home without seeing u greeting us..we noe at once this jappy anyhow do business again.
When jappy cum to us, the very first nite u scream and scream. Mummy had to comfort u for so long til u finali ok wif him
Do u noe mummy is so happy to see u asking him for play? Too bad, kor kor jappy dun noe how to react.
Baby even when u snap at jappy – mummy wasn’t angry wif u at all cos mummy noe that is cookie. That
When mummy went for my operation….and was back home resting. Mummy was sleeping then and when I woke up…mummy peek and saw little cookie guarding me. U doze off and quickly juke urself up again to guard over mummy. U are my guarding angel.
Baby cookie –
Mummy love the way u cum and squeeze into my lap for cuddle. and when mummy took out ur comb, u will came running toward me, sat in front of me wif ur back facing mummy. U love mummy to comb ur hair rite? Mummy enjoyed every little bit of all these.
Darling, you seems to know which sunrise of the week is where mummy and papa can sleep late. you know so well that the weekends are coming. mummy like to sleep later but you will just manage to lick us up to make breakfast for you. you are our instant alarm clock for the weekend. We really missed it darling, how you disturb our hard earned weekend..... :)
Cookie - mummy's n daddy's gal
We remember the very day we caught our eye on u. U were alone in that tiny far away cage. We ask for a chihuahua n was show all except u. U were small hiden in a cage at that very far edge. Mummy ask for u n pointed that u r also a chihuahua, mummy question why nt u?
Baby, this good three years u were just my everything. My hope, my love, my joy, my laughter, my worri, my pain n my tears...
Cookie mummy is so sorry so sorry for nt being careful enought. So sorry for mummy shd have given u a cake. U angry wif me? I canceled
My special little gal - thank u for bein so protective over mummy. Thank u for every little things u ve done. I wan u to noe we love u a lot a lot which is more then just words.
Baby, even if one day we cleared away
Mummy feel so pain like a knife slicing of my heart. Mummy dun noe how to get on life without u baby. Mummy cried everytime I step into the house after work without u greeting me. I noe u dun wan to see me tis way. Baby cookie gave mummy more time ok? Mayb it wil b very long baby u wil wait for me rite?
Mummy feel so pain like a knife slicing of my heart. Mummy dun noe how to get on life without u baby. Mummy cried everytime I step into the house after work without u greeting me. I noe u dun wan to see me tis way.
Baby cookie gave mummy more time ok? Mayb it wil b very long baby u wil wait for me rite?